Computer Gender

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Filipino Humor in businesses

1. A parlor in San Juan, Metro Manila: Cut & Face
2. A wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: Starducks
3. A fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: Violybee
4. A small internet cafe: Cafe Pindot
5. In Manila, there's a laundry named: Summa Cum Laundry
6. A pet shop in Kamuning: Pakita Mo Pet Mo
7. A Bakery: Bread Pit
8. A bank in Alabang: Alabank
9. A noodle restaurant in Pampanga: Mekeni Rogers
10. A restaurant in Pasig: Johnnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina
11. A boxing gym in Taguig: Blow Jab
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: Lito Lapida
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village: Pakopya ni Edgar
14. A beerhouse in Cavite: Chickpoint
15. A laundromat in Sikatuna: Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes
16. A kambingan restaurant: Sa Goat Kita
17. A beauty salon: Curl Up And Dye
18. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: Gee Congee
19. A water refilling station in Dapitan: Wa-Thirst
20. Along Sucat road, a store selling chicken feeds: Robocock
21. Shoe repair in Marikina: Dr. Shoe-Bago
22. A petshop: Petness First
23. Flower shop: Susan's Roses
24. A Taxicab: Income Taxi
25. A 2nd-hand watch store: 2nd Time Around
26. A squid stall in a wet market: Pusit to the Limit
27. A shrimp store: Hipon Coming Back
28. A car repair shop: Bangga ka 'day!
29. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: Fish Be With You
30. A beauty salon: Saudia Hairlines
31. A bakery: Anak Ng Tinapay
32. A Laundry: Wash Your Problem Here
33. Ice cream parlor: Dila Lang Ang Katapat
34. Chicharon store: Chicha Hut
35. A fishball cart along P. Campa St., near UST: Eat My Balls
36. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: Pinoy Big Barber
37. A Resto in Baclaran: The Last Supper
38. A goto resto: Goto Ko Pa!
39. Peanut vendor's cart with a funny name: Mani ni Papa
40. A Hair Salon in Makati: Hair We Go Again

Feng Shui

Feng Shui

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you -- and me!


Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes


There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.


Do not keep this message.


The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.


ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.


FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.


FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.


SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.


EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.


NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.


ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.


TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.


THIRTEEN! When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'


FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.


FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.


SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


SEVENTEEN.. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.


EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


NINETEEN. When you realize you 've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.


TWENTY. Smile when p icking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice


TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.


Now, here's the FUN part!

Send this to at least 5 people and your life will
improve.

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.


A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Do not keep this message.

Dog Food Diet

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dog. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.

On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore

Would you run?

Would you run?

Imagine this happening to you...

One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.

One of the men proclaimed, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are."

Immediately, the choir fled...

the deacons fled...

and most of the congregation fled....

Out of the 2,000 there only remained around 20.

The man who had spoken took off his hood...

He then looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites... Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!"

And the two men turned and walked out.

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God... and then wonder why the world is in the condition it is today....

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say... but question what the Bible says...

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven... provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary?

Funny how someone can say "I believe in God"... but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace... but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and work place.

Funny, isn't it? Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday... but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

Are you laughing?

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me... than what God thinks of me.

Are you thinking?

Will you share this with people you care about?

Or not?